One Down, A Whole Lot More To Go

Bye JerBear.  It’s been…um…real.  I heard the hosts talking about what was his worst move as GM of the Bears.  There’s several to pick from, but I have to agree with one of the hosts that the Thomas Jones trade was brutal.  If you don’t recall the deal; the Bears sent Jones and their 2nd round pick (63rd overall) to the Jets for their 2nd rounder (37th overall).  Jones was a wildly popular guy in the locker room and, to anyone with functioning eyes, was clearly a better player than Cedric Benson – whom the Bears had drafted 4th overall in 2005 (more on this in a second).  Benson, being a high draft pick and all, apparently needed to be the starting back, thus Jones was expendable.  Ugh.

Bears Post Mortum

Hey look!  I finally got a new computer so it no longer takes 45 minutes just to boot the damn thing up.  Yay me!

So the NFL regular season is in the books and I’d love to give you a complete and detailed break down of each team that’s in the playoffs, but I really can’t.  Truthfully it was a busy, busy last few months so I haven’t seen nearly as much football as I normally would have.  What I do know is this:

One Man’s List…Revised

I went back through some of the old posts (and they’re all old aren’t they?) and I saw my list of comic book movies that I wrote shortly after seeing ‘The Dark Knight.’  First off, let me apologize to TDK because I don’t know what I was thinking saying something was holding me back from calling it better than ‘Batman Begins.’  Clearly I was on something.  Having watched that movie roughly 2,000 times on DVD, I’m ready to revisit the list factoring some newer films that I’ve seen.

Dr. Dumb

Who else thought I had quit posting huh???  Be honest….  Actually I just got buried the last two days at work and when I got home, all I really wanted to do was cry.  I mean, um, do manly stuff.  While crying.

Okay, so if you missed it (and you may have as this didn’t become a huge story), Dr. Laura (host of a nationally syndicated radio show) announced she will retire from her show later this year when her contract expires.  This came closely on the heels of her getting in a bit of trouble for dropping the N-bomb (or N-word if you prefer) repeatedly on her show.

Quick set up if you don’t know the whole story: a caller asked a question having to do with the word, Dr. Laura said it, caller said she probably shouldn’t have, Dr. Laura said to the caller “don’t NAACP me” and then dropped the N-bomb several more times.

Stupid.

So Dr. Laura then issues a pretty weak apology and tells Larry King she’s retiring because she wants her first amendment rights back.  If Dr. Laura wants to retire, far be it from me to tell her not to.  But that’s complete bull.  I’ve been in radio for over ten years and never once in that time has anyone ever come anywhere close to violating my first amendment rights.  There are only seven words you can’t say (find them here but note, they’re dirty…I’m told anyways).  Except now, maybe we can say those because the Supreme Court told the FCC that not allowing us to say those words violates our freedom of speech.  So maybe I have had my rights violated.  But that’s not the point.

If Dr. Laura’s rights were being threatened or trampled, she would have been fired or at the very least suspended.  Neither happened.  In fact, neither was even suggested by her employer.  Pundits suggested it, but never was Dr. Laura’s job in any real danger.  She didn’t even lose an affiliate!  What this really boils down to is that she stirred up a storm and decided to use it as an excuse to walk.  Maybe she has other plans (I’m calling it now, she pops up on FOX News), or maybe she’s just tired of doing the show and doesn’t need the money anymore.  Either way though, her rights are not being violated.  By telling the rest of us that we’re oppressing her, she is actually trying to take away our rights.  See, just like she is allowed to speak her mind freely, although hate speech is not protected by the first amendment and that very much is hate speech, I have the right to speak my mind as well.  So Dr. Laura, you are f-ing stupid.  You never should have thought you could say that word on a nationally syndicated show and expect nothing to happen.  You offended people and you don’t get to say you have a right to speak and they don’t because they’re mad at you.  If you believe any of that then seriously, you’re dumb.  I’m sure you did it on purpose, after all I guarantee you have a dump button that would have allowed you to make sure that didn’t make the air, but you didn’t use it.  I don’t  know what your end game is, and I don’t care.  You lost your relevancy over a decade ago, as evidenced by the lack of real attention.  I mean Don Imus got WAY more coverage than you did.  So good riddance, but please, do us one last favor.  Don’t “crusade to protect our rights” or any of that crap, just enjoy the obscurity you’ve already been living in.

New Year’s Resolution…in August

I have made a decision.  I just thought you should know that.

Oh you want to know what I decided?  No, of course you don’t.  Too bad, I’m telling you anyways.  I decided that I’m going to really work at writing regularly.  We’ll see how long it lasts.  Over/under is currently 2 weeks.  I’d take the under if I were you.

So let’s get to it.  Biggest story of the summer: The LeBacle (hands down my favorite name for the insanity that surrounded LeBron this summer).  Quick story: I used to LOVE basketball.  I’m a Bulls fan and I grew up in the 90′s otherwise known as the Jordan/Pippen Era.  It was a magical time.  I watched two hall of famers get coached by one of the best coaches ever in Phil Jackson (some would argue THE best).  Then, they left the Bulls and the league seemed to fall apart.  I’m not totally sure why.  I guess these things are just cyclical.  Anyways I gravitated to college ball as it was just a better product.  Maybe because the top high schoolers jumped straight to the pros and that forced the colleges to build stronger teams instead of just relying on a stud or two.  Then LeBron happened.  Suddenly this likable kid who just might be the real deal was on his way to the league.  He would save it.  Being one of the most ardent defenders of Jordan’s legacy, I refused to allow anyone to be mentioned in the same breath as him…until LeBron.  I believed.

Flash forward to 2010.  LeBron’s antics were starting to wear thin on me (the pregame stuff, acting like a general fool on the bench), but I let it go because hey, he’s 25.  He’s a kid.  He doesn’t really have any structure around him because Mike Brown isn’t about to stand up to his only star.  I could justify it.  When LeBron’s impending free agency was upon us, I thought he would either stay in Cleveland or go to Chicago.  That’s it.  Those were the only options.  The case for each was pretty simple:

Cleveland: stay at home with the franchise that you saved and finish what you started.  LeBron had all the leverage.  He could get whatever coach he wanted, whatever GM he wanted, and if he agreed to take less money they probably could’ve landed some crop along the lines of David Lee/Ray Allen/Kyle Korver/Ronnie Brewer/J.J. Redick and maybe Carlos Boozer.  Probably not Bosh because he made it pretty clear he was going to be Dwayne Wade’s lapdog.  Now, I admit that Lee/Allen/Korver/Brewer/Redick doesn’t make a championship automatic, but combine them with some of the pieces they already have (Hickson, Mo Williams, Varejao) and you’ve got something.  Especially with Boston making their way over the hill and Orlando lacking the ability to take that next step to elite status.

Chicago:  Easy choice if you want to win immediately.  Add LeBron to a team with Derrick Rose, Joakim Noah, Taj Gibson, and Luol Deng?  Yeah, game over.  I mean, what else do you want me to say here?

Now, I don’t think anyone would have blamed LeBron for leaving Cleveland.  He killed himself the year they went to the Finals and promptly got handled by San Antonio because a good team will beat one great player every time.  Ask Michael Jordan about the Pistons before Scottie got there.  But the way LeBron left?  Pathetic.

You get ESPN to give you an uninterrupted hour of prime time and you use it to rip the heart out of your home?  Shame on you LeBron.  And shame on ESPN for facilitating it.  I was disappointed in his immaturity.  I was disappointed that he took the easy way out by going to Miami with Wade and Bosh.  I was really disappointed that he didn’t seem to care at all about what he just did.  He talked in the third person and he never really showed regret.

The backlash began.  Sport Illustrated ran a great piece that I thought accurately and fairly destroyed LeBron, Bosh, and Wade.  If I could find it, I would link to it.  Talk radio, blogs, even ESPN made fun of the “I’m taking my talents to South Beach” line.  One show I heard very astutely pointed out that the first photo would be telling.  Photo positioning is a big deal.  Your eyes will naturally go to the center and work out, so photographers will put the most important part of the picture in the center (hence: center of attention).  They thought that there would be three versions with each player in the middle, and maybe those other versions exist, but this is what SI ran…

Interesting...(Photographed by: Gregory Heisler / SI)

Quick side note: if you can find it online, read that piece by Ian Thomsen.  It is excellent.

Like I said, the middle is what matters and it’s Wade.  But note how small LeBron looks.  Where is his trademark ear-to-ear grin?  I think this picture is the beginning of LeBron realizes he may have messed up.  No matter what Wade will have one more ring than LeBron.  No matter what, LeBron ran to Wade’s team because he couldn’t handle being the man.  That will forever be his legacy.  Win a title in Cleveland, you enter the air with Michael, Magic, Bird, and Kobe.  But I guess that doesn’t matter to him.  And Lebron?  We don’t care how many tweets you send out telling us you’re taking mental notes about every single person who takes a shot at you.  An adult lives with the consequences of their decisions.  You want to be the man?  Act like one first.

So sad.

Let’s Pick ‘Em

Ok, I’ve reviewed the brackets and I’ve entered a few pools and I have come to one conclusion….

I’m clueless.

Now don’t get me wrong, I watch a lot of college basketball.  Probably more this year than usual since I usually watch whatever game is on ESPN while I’m on the treadmill at the gym.  All that viewing leads me to believe that there are at least 8 teams who could legitimately win the title.  Truthfully there’s probably more.  I would consider Georgetown or Villanova winning it all to be only a mild surprise.  Same for Pitt, Baylor, and Kansas St.  Ohio St., Kansas, Kentucky, West Virginia, Syracuse, and Duke are the really serious contenders for the title.  So, since everyone else is doing it, here’s my advice for your picks:

There’s ALWAYS a 5/12 upset in the first round.  I think there’s two this year.  UTEP over Butler and Cornell over Temple.  Butler historically doesn’t perform well as a 5 seed.  I think that’s an unfortunate side effect from being far and away the best team in their league.  They can coast through conference play every year and I think it leaves them a bit unprepared for the challenge you get in the tournament.  Not really their fault, it just is what it is.  Plus, I think UTEP’s a solid team that can win some games in the tourney.  Same for Cornell.  Solid, solid team.

NEVER trust the Big 10 unless the team is hands down the best team (see: Michigan State, 2000 and Illinois 2005).  My advice as a guy who watches a lot of Big 10 basketball is don’t take anyone other than OSU past the 2nd round.  I’m serious.  I think the Big 10 was the 2nd best league behind the Big East this year, but Ohio State was the ONLY team I saw that didn’t lay a complete stinker all year.  You catch Wisconsin, MSU, and Purdue on the right (or wrong depending on your rooting interests) and it’s over.  I like Siena over Purdue by the way.  I didn’t think losing Robbie Hummel would hurt them THAT much until Minnesota schlacked them.

Don’t put all four #1′s in the Final Four.  I think it’s only happened once.  Find a 2 and a 3 you like a lot and ride them.

Trust your gut.  Every year I over think and that’s where things fall apart on me.  This year, I’m just trusting my gut.  And my gut tells me this:

FINAL FOUR: Kansas, Syracuse, West Virginia, Baylor

TITLE GAME: Kansas/West Virginia

CHAMPION: Kansas

As I tried to figure out who I like, I just kept coming back to Kansas.  You can make excellent arguments for any of the teams I listed above, as well as a few others.  I get that.  But like I said, trust your gut and mine said go with the team that was never ranked lower than 3, that won’t be affected by the pressure of being the #1 overall seed and favorite to win it all, and a coach who has been there before.  I like Kentucky, but I think their youth will trip them up.  I like Syracuse, but if Onuaku isn’t healthy, they’re in trouble.  I like Duke, but I don’t think they have the talent to win it all.  I like West Virginia, but I think they’re a little nuts and that’s not good.  I like OSU, but they only play 6 or 7 guys so if they’re in foul trouble, they’re in flat out trouble.

Kansas just makes sense to me, so there you go.

As always, I will hope for the impossible of dream of going 32/32 in the opening rounds.  If the trend from the last few years holds, I’ll get 30 or 31, then lose it all in the second round.  In other words, sorry Kansas fans, I just ruined your season.

Let’s Talk Tourney!

My thoughts as I watch the brackets get revealed:

West Virginia should’ve been a #1.

The Gouchos might be my new favorite team.  Great name.

The 3 seed seems high for Georgetown.  They were incredibly inconsistent so a 4 feels better to me.

Already some excellent first round match ups with UNLV, Maryland, and basically all the 8/9 games.  First round will be fun.

Why do the smaller teams like Ohio and Murray St. freak out when their name is revealed when they already had the auto-bid locked up?  This never makes sense to me.

A 10 seed is way too high Florida when they were supposed to be on the bubble.  Not sure they should be in, but whatever.

With both Florida and Minnesota in, I have to believe my Illini are out.  Crap.  Stupid UTEP losing to Houston.

Quick thought during the break: The #1 I’m almost positive won’t reach the Final Four: Syracuse.

How is Texas an 8?  Didn’t the committee watch them collapse like the rest of us did?

If I don’t see Ed Helms in character as the Nard Dog at the Cornell-Temple game, my world will be shattered.

A 4 seems a bit high for Wisconsin.  Good team, but I had them no higher than a 5.  Then again, I hate them so, you know, I downgraded.

I agree with Greg Anthony.  Morgan St.: you are toast.  Sorry.

I’m a bit stunned that the ACC has 5 teams in.

After seeing Steve Alford and New Mexico get the 3 seed, the entire state of Iowa stabbed themselves with pitchforks.

After seeing the bracket, I would now say that the second #1 who won’t make the Final Four: Kentucky.  Brutal road to get there.

That’s how you want your team to react on national TV.  You stay classy Washington.  (Note: sarcasm)

I’ve never understood why the #1 overall doesn’t automatically get the winner of the play-in game.

Wow, 6 teams out of the Big East already.  Sorry Notre Dame, I don’t think they’ll take 7.

Ouch for Purdue.  That match up with Siena will be tough.

What’s a Gael?  Can someone from St. Mary’s answer that for me?

Whoa, Baylor is a 3???  They’re good, but I’m not sure they’re that good.

Ok, guess they will take 7 from the Big East.  Notre Dame goes from on the bubble to a 6 seed.  Yeah, that makes sense.  I guess the NCAA selection committee decided to make up for the Charlie Weiss years.

I rarely agree with Seth Davis, but he’s right about the surprising love for the Pac-10.

Again, how does this make sense?  The last 6 teams in are no lower than 12 seeds.  If you’re one of the last teams in you have to be in the teens I think.  What does it hurt to put a smaller school that clinched an auto-bid as a higher seed for doing the work they needed to do?

Thanks Greg Anthony for putting the “s” on the end of Illinois.

Overall, no complaints about who got in and who didn’t.  I agree with the studio guys that Illinois and Virginia Tech both probably deserve it, but you can’t make a lot of noise about a screw job with both teams because ultimately they didn’t do what they needed to.  I think VT got hurt a bit by a bad year for the ACC, but that’s just me.  Then again, I think the ACC got like 4 or 5 in, so it wasn’t that down.

I don’t get the seeding personally.  I think that prior to the conference tourneys they had already decided the #1′s which is dumb.

Ok, hold on, the guy that’s the head of the selection committee while explaining the process for picking the #1′s just said “we put West Virginia in the discussion…but we looked at the entire body of work and Duke finished really strong.”  Um…ok.

I love when Greg Anthony gets a hold of the head of the selection committee because he doesn’t pull punches and he just went right after him on the #1′s.  Get him Greg.

Apparently if you’re within 5 feet of Clark Kelogg you are required to say “indicated” and “peel back the onion” at least as many times as he does.

Once again, after Seth asks about VT, Illinois, and Mississippi St. the guy says that it’s the whole body of work, but the sites the end of the season and conference tournaments.  This guy has got be getting ready to run for Congress.

Don’t like Seth Davis, but glad he called out the committee chairman for double talking about whole body of work and then putting emphasis on the end of the year.

I hate “One Shining Moment”.  Seriously.  Hate it.  Pick a new song.  It’s awful.

I’ll do picks later after I get a hard copy of the bracket, but this should be fun.  I don’t agree with Seth and Greg of taking the 1′s and 2′s to the Elite 8.  Someone will get knocked off.  Consider that a tease I guess.

Olympic Hangover

I meant to get this up earlier, but I’ve been way busy. Also way lazy. At least I’m honest. Without further ado, my thoughts (that you don’t care about) on the Olympics (that you might not have cared about):

1. Every winter games it never ceases to amaze me: the Curling Phenomenon. We become flippin’ obsessed with this thing. It’s all people talk about. We make fun of it, but be honest, you were like me and couldn’t stop watching it. I think I know why. First, it’s weird. Curling is some weird, on ice version of shuffleboard (which is another game I don’t understand). Because we don’t fully understand it, but it’s new and different, we watch. I have no clue how Curling works, but you better believe I watch that shit! I’m stunned Versus hasn’t picked up the World Curling Championships yet (you KNOW that exists). Second, I think we watch it because of this reason:
At one point during the USA vs. China match (in which we apparently got slaughtered but I don’t know how or why) the woman doing color commentary said that the U.S. needs to develop more elite curlers. I immediately said: “I bet I could be an elite curler…like tomorrow.” I think that’s why we watch. We feel like we’d be really good at it…unlike every other sport where, if you’re like me, you tried and failed (not bitter at all by the way).

2. That was some of the best hockey I have ever watched in my life. Holy hell. I’m not just talking the super awesome USA vs. Canada games, but the tournament as a whole was great. Hope you enjoyed it though as the NHL will most likely not allow their players to play in the 2014 games in Russia (some cold war blow back perhaps?). Seriously though, those two games the US and Canada played were absolutely amazing. Canada was a real life fantasy team…I know this because several of them are indeed on my fantasy team (yeah I have a fantasy hockey team…don’t judge me). Then you had a US team that most experts were calling a dark horse team, but weren’t really getting a lot of serious consideration to medal. The US had the “nobody believe in us!” card, Canada was insanely talented, that makes some fine hockey! Hope they can do it again in 2014, but I doubt it. Also, I hope you enjoyed seeing Alex Ovechkin while you could because everyone thought it would be Russia vs. Canada for the gold and Russia didn’t even medal, so Ovie, bad news bud, the KGB will by soon to take you to the Kremlin.

Russia still does that right? Let’s pretend they do, it’s more fun that way.

Luckily based on the record shattering ratings, most of you saw the hockey game and that’s good. As the great Eddie O. said (I think it was Eddie anyways): “hopefully we got some new hockey fans.”

Other than the Curling and super awesome hockey, I didn’t watch poop from the Olympics. I don’t care about skating, skiing (except Lindsey Vonn…so hot), and that other junk. Maybe it’s just me but I have a hard time getting up for the Olympics in general, but especially the winter games. I think it’s because the summer games are much more accessible for most people. We’ve all played basketball, or at least seen a game, most of us have been in a pool, we’ve all run, etc. How many people do you know that have ski jumped? You see my point I think.

So there you go. That’s all I got on the Olympics, we now return you to the regularly scheduled nonsense about stuff.

Holy Crap!

I mean…did you SEE THAT?!?  Congrats to team USA on their upcoming ESPY win.

Photo by the AP

Skynet is now self aware

Ok, first off let me say that it’s my goal to post more stuff.  No one reads this anyways, but I want to do it for me.  I feel like it could be good for me to write more.  Or not.  We’ll see.  On to the news of the day…

Oh Tiger.  Tiger, Tiger, Tiger.  Full disclosure time, I did NOT watch the “press conference” today.  I didn’t see any reason to.  I knew what he would say, and he said exactly that.  Which is to say, he said nothing.  He apologized.  Shocking.  Here’s my problem with it, he controlled the environment.  That just won’t do it.  The way he’ll beat all this is to show that he is actually human.  Cry.  Show fear over the thought of losing your family.  Show remorse.  But DO NOT stand in a room in the PGA headquarters surrounded by hand-picked friends and family members with no reporters and read a prepared statement.  The guys on PTI (whom I love by the way) drank the Kool-Aid.  Wilbon said he was moved and Kornheiser made the claim that we wouldn’t hear any more questions about this ever again.  C’mon guys.

Let’s start with Wilbon.  You’re better than that Mike.  You know as well as I do that this was written by a team of P.R. guys.  You need look no further than the fact that Tiger apologized to his business partners before his own wife and children.  There was nothing moving in the statement.  There was no genuine emotion.  Do I think he’s sorry?  Hell yes.  Do I believe him when he says that he believed he could live by a different set of rules?  Absolutely.  But I still don’t believe he’s human.  He’s the first wave of Terminators.

Oh and Tony?  You KNOW damn good and well he’ll get asked about this again.  You’re smarter than that.

So the obvious question that one would ask is “well smart guy what would you have had him do differently?”  Glad you asked.

1.  Have a REAL press conference.  Face the firing squad.  Answer the tough questions from reporters because you’ll have to eventually.  They wrote their questions down and they’ll ask them at the first tournament you play in because all golfers are required to talk to the media then.  Oh they’ll ask, and Tiger if you do your best Mark McGwire impression and tell them you don’t want to talk about the past, they’ll eat you alive.  Get in front of it now.  Own up to your mistakes like a man and show us that you’re really trying to be better.  Think of what Kobe did.  He sat there with his head down and answered every question.  It paid off in the long run for him.  There’s nothing wrong with sitting there and saying “I’m an idiot.  I deserve every joke, every insult.  I’ll do whatever it takes to make this better, but yes, I’m human and I’m a dumbass.”

2.  Admit your faults.  Don’t simply say you were wrong, explain why you did what you did.  This is where I always thought Kobe messed up.  Remember that Kobe Bryant took Brandy (who at the time was still REALLY famous) to his prom because he had just been drafted.  From that moment on, the world belong to Kobe.  Same for Tiger.  He began getting ESPN attention in college.  You think co-ed’s didn’t immediately line up for the attractive phenom?  Of course they did.  After he won his first tournament, he could have any woman he wanted, never had to wait in line, etc.  Keep in mind, this all happened before he was 25 (I think).  Wouldn’t that go to your head?  I know it would’ve gone to mine.  We always see it.  Dozens of athletes who are living paycheck to paycheck because they can’t handle having money.  Celebrities with major drug problems.  Jay Leno’s car collection.  For Tiger it was women.  Probably would’ve been the same for me.  I’m not saying playing the “too much, too soon” card fixes everything, but it does actually explain a lot.

3.  Change the format of the speech.  Now I realize he didn’t write it, but that’s kind of my whole point.  Whoever set all this up, whoever his team is, are morons.  The speech should have had apologies to his wife, children, and fans – in that order – first thing and last thing.  They’re the most important, not your sponsors, not your business partners.  After his family and fans, he should’ve (and he did do this, but it got buried) apologized for the harm he caused his charity.  He needed to apologize to his deceased father, the man who made sure we knew who Tiger was before he won his first tournament.  The man who Tiger had such a special relationship with.  He needed to do that.  He needed to show how hurt he was by Earl’s death.  It’s totally plausible, and frankly I think this is part of it, that he lost his way when Earl died.

So, ok, he botched the first step, but it’s not completely out of reach yet.  Admitting he’s going to continue therapy and find his center again with Buddhism were excellent admissions, and he absolutely should do that.  His next step needs to be working on his family.  I don’t know if Elin will stay, in fact I doubt she will, but Tiger has to let her make that decision on her own.  Don’t try to pressure her, just let her think her way through it on her own.  If he tries to pressure, as there have been reports he is, it makes him look like a control freak.  And coming off that joke of a press conference, he can’t afford that right now.  But do your work Tiger.  Saying you’ll play golf again, but you don’t know when, was excellent.  Stick to that.  Give it time, let the healing process work, and when you’re ready in 3 months or so, go on Oprah.  If (and that’s a HUGE if) she asks you the tough questions, answer as best you can.  Don’t give cliche answers, don’t give rehearsed statements.  Answer honestly even if the answer is “I don’t know.”  After that, play.  Actually, don’t just play.  Win.  Dominate.  Be Tiger again.  The best thing that happened to Kobe was him not getting traded after he publicly demanded one.  Remember, at that time, he was almost the lost superstar.  Brilliant on the court, but a total ass off of it.  He was despised outside of L.A.  But then the Lakers got smart and built a team around him, got the great Phil Jackson back, and won another title.  Suddenly Kobe was the great teammate because winning fixes everything.  He knew that by being back on the big stage, if he said and did the right things he would win the public back.  Even if it was all an act, which I think it is, it didn’t matter.  He did it right and Nike came back.  His jersey went back to the top of the best sellers list.  You see my point.  But Tiger, learn from that.  You’re all alone on a golf course so you can’t blame anyone if you don’t win.  You can’t really embrace the bad guy image.  Instead, put your head down and be brilliant again.

Oh, and fire your current P.R. team and hire me.  I’ll take 15%.